A barfly’s guide to enjoying cocktail bars

The first time I was taken to a cocktail bar by friends a little over a decade ago, I was firmly in my cheap-beer era and had absolutely no clue where to begin. The menu was made up of words I barely recognized. I couldn’t understand why one bartender was shaking a drink while another was stirring one. And most crucially, after nursing a subpar gin and tonic all night, I walked out embarrassed at my lack of sophistication, and with a firm belief that drinking cheap beer at home was the best way to drink.

Fast-forward to the present day, and while I still enjoy a cheap beer at home (I mean, in this economy, who wouldn’t?), I've come to greatly appreciate cocktails and cocktail bars. Much of that appreciation comes from a deeper understanding; not just of what’s in the glass, but also of the overall cocktail bar experience. And while there’s no single ‘best’ way to enjoy cocktail bars (don’t let anyone tell you there is), there are a few things that help make all the difference to how you experience them – starting with where you sit.

Location, location, location

If you’re drinking solo or with one other person, aim for bar seats – you get to see bottles being pulled, ingredients measured, shakers flying, and garnishes carefully placed. It’s not just drinks service; it’s a performance, and you’ve got the best view in the house. Bar seats often make it easier to build rapport with the bartenders. A simple “what’s that drink you’re making?” can lead to unexpected recommendations, stories behind obscure bottles, or even off-menu creations tailored to your taste. For someone finding their footing in the cocktail world, this direct connection can be both educational and deeply rewarding. 

This also means bar seats can be harder to snag, especially if it’s a busy or popular bar, so try calling ahead to reserve them, or get there earlier in the evening before the rush begins. Of course, bar seats are a little less than ideal if you’re in a group of four or more, at which point a table might be a better idea so conversation becomes easier.

What to know before you go

When it comes to ordering drinks, “surprise me” is something I’ve overheard people saying to bartenders several times, and have admittedly said myself a few times. More often than not, it isn’t a helpful request, because bartenders know nothing about your preferences. 

So whether you’re new to the world of cocktails or a seasoned barfly, it’s worth figuring out some basic likes and dislikes that can serve as a starting point when asking for a recommendation. Think flavors like sweet, sour, bitter, umami, or specific fruits; or styles of drinks like shaken, stirred, or highballs. For instance, tell them you like citrusy, refreshing drinks, and you might end up with a riff on a Daiquiri you’d never have thought to order. Bartenders can’t read minds, but can be remarkably good translators of flavors and moods.

Start with the signatures

Whether you’re having one drink or sticking around for a few, I’d recommend starting with something from the menu. Think of it like a handshake when meeting someone new – a first impression that tells you who they are and what they care about. Most cocktail bars put a lot of thought, effort, and time into developing their cocktail program, so starting with the menu isn’t just honoring the effort, but also the best showcase of what they have to offer. 

And if you happen to be at a bar overseas, it may mean getting to experience new ingredients and local flavors, which is a delicious way to widen one’s horizons. If the bar menu includes food, they’ve probably thought through pairings as well, so you can ask them to recommend something that’ll go well with your drink.

Give in to the curiosity

If something at the bar catches your eye – a bottle with a unique shape or label, an ingredient, or a technique mentioned on the menu – ask about it! Bartenders expect and often appreciate that curiosity, and it can be the start of a great cocktail camaraderie. My personal favorite memory of this is asking about a bottle with a really ugly label – it turned out to be Rum Fire, a wildly funky, high-proof Jamaican rum that opened up a whole new dimension of cocktails, and is now one of my firm favorites. 

If you enjoy making your own drinks at home, asking bartenders questions is a priceless resource to improve your own cocktail game. That said, read the room, and try not to get in the way if you can see they’re very focused on making drinks, or if it’s a particularly busy night and they’re slammed with orders.

Bar counter seats

Give and take

One of the things I’ve come to love about cocktail bars is how much they can be spaces for knowledge exchange. There’s no monopoly over ideas when it comes to drinks; recipes, ingredients, and techniques are meant to be shared, explored, and adapted. If you’ve stumbled across a unique drink, spirit, or a home experiment you’re proud of, it’s worth mentioning. 

Likewise, don’t be afraid to give constructive feedback. If a drink is too sweet or bitter for your liking, gently let the bartender know so they know what to tweak for your next drink. This isn’t about critique in the negative sense, but about conversation, and that often leads to some of the most memorable recommendations and experiences.

Be nice

I’ve found politeness goes a long way, and is more essential than optional, even if things aren’t perfect. The cocktail industry is smaller and better connected than you think, and word can get around. Thank your bartenders, say your pleases and thank-yous, and acknowledge their craft. These are small gestures that earn you plenty cocktail karma, if you will.

Speaking of little gestures, a personal favorite when traveling is giving bartenders small souvenirs from home as a token of thanks. Snacks, drinks, or a little curio will almost always be appreciated, and is a simple way to turn an otherwise routine evening into a memorable one for them, too.

Look after yourself

The best nights at cocktail bars are ones you can remember the next day. Pace yourself. Hydrate. Hydrate some more. There’s no prize for finishing the most cocktails in the shortest time. Know your limits, especially if you’re a lightweight, and don’t ever feel pressured to go for “just one last drink” when you’ve already had a few. (Hey look, we’ve all been there and have stories to tell, and it’s okay as long as it doesn’t become a habit.)

Drinking responsibly keeps things enjoyable for everyone, and often makes you more open to discovery, conversation, and subtle pleasures that are easier to notice when you’re sufficiently alert.

A fellow barfly once said while we were discussing cocktails: we’re all on our own journeys. And I couldn’t agree more. Thinking back to that first visit, I wish I’d known that cocktail bars aren’t about proving sophistication. They’re about exploration. The best and most memorable experiences I’ve had came not from ordering the “right” drink, but from being curious, asking questions, and letting myself enjoy the ride. 

If you’re just starting out, don’t be intimidated. Every bar visit is a chance to learn something new, and to walk away not just with a great drink, but with a story worth telling. So stay hydrated, have fun, be nice, and say hi if you ever find me sitting next to you at the bar!

by Shanty (@itrydrinks)